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the eyes of Step Seven, me peers are just like me, saintlike, devilish and certainly more than a bit ready to be more than they are today. why would i say that sort of thing? well it is certainly how i feel and today, i am quite certain that i am not some sort of unique freak. since i am running a bit behind schedule, i will drop this in quickly:

Jim E,
FIVE (5) years of consecutive days clean.
I'm glad you are part of my recovery family.

looking at my friends, sponsees, acquaintances and peers through the lenses of STEP SEVEN, certainly makes me feel more connected to the diverse bunch. learning where and how i fit within the fellowship and implementing that knowledge has been the main focus of this set of steps, and seeing myself and others as not only the same, but as equals as well, has been my greatest challenge, this time around. had one asked me, way back when i first started this set of steps, i would have said of course i am as good as everyone else. what i would have thought, though is “can't you see how fVcking selfless and humble i am, through all the sacrifices i make to be of service, why the fVck would you even ask.”
today, i can look back on that very thought and smile, as i see that it is far from hyperbole or exaggeration. it is an accurate reflection of who i was and certainly who i can be. all weekend long, i have been doing my thing;: working on a project, going to my regular meetings and maintaining my commitments to the various individuals i have agreed to support in one way or another. by the time i sat down last night to do my 10TH step, i had decided that no more. i was not going to chase all over the countryside for anyone, those days are over and i no longer need to show how great i am, by being servile and a people-pleaser. i went and spoke to someone and i will write him today. i sent a little something in for him, to offset the crappy person i was, when i still had a strong opinion of how awful he was or perhaps is. that little bit was a correction for my bad behavior and i no longer owe an amends to him, i can certainly move along from that piece of nastiness, my behavior, not the owning up to it. looking at who he is and how he behaves, i am not too sure i was not being played yesterday, but that is neither here nor there. his creature comforts are on their way. i still feel guilt over how i behaved, no amount of care packages is going to fix that, it is part of me being less than saintly.if i can forgive myself for behaving badly, then and only then, can i forgive others for acting on their human characteristics. that is where looking at my peers, through STEP SEVEN comes in. finally i can feel what they feel, when they see themselves acting in a manner they would prefer not to. with empathy, i toio, can say, just for today, you can be a better person, through the recovery process, just like me, after all we are on the same path.

∞ DT ∞