ฮฑ when i am confused or in pain, my sponsor sometimes tells me to **write about it.** ฯ
Posted: Fri, May 9, 2008 09:41:23 AM
the rewards i find through the simple action of writing are many. clarity of thought, keys to locked places inside of me, and the voice of conscience are but a few. blah -- blah -- blah. not that i think that writing is a bad thing nor do i believe that i am above writing out my steps or doing a writing assignment about an issue i may be having. no what what struck me this morning was how incomplete the list of benefits is, even though it goes on and on and on. i know that there is only a single printed page, to make such a list, and brief as it is, i still tire some days of hearing it. dang it, i know what benefits i can get from writing, the greatest of these is freedom from my obsession with myself. i also understand that this particular passage was not written for me specifically, and to believe otherwise throws me back into that obsession with self cycle.
so how do i resolve this inherent conflict? well i could resort to a behavior i used when i was a f*cking new guy, just ignore those passages that i do not think could possibly pertain to me. that was a neat trick and as a result, i missed many of the things i could have been learning in my tumultuous early recovery. that little mind slip also kept me believing that i was somehow different, and unique. and i was sort of, cross-fellowshipping, taking the social life of recovering addicts and taking the spiritual life of recovering alcoholics. the result of that particular hybrid program of recovery were nearly disastrous for me, but i did finally come home to where i belonged from the start. but even though it is minor i do digress!
so these days when i find a passage in the daily meditation book that i think is far too mundane, or not pertinent, i have to stop and figure out why i i find it so. is it because i have slipped into being unique? well this morning that is not the case. is it because i am somehow cured and beyond contemplating what thousand of addicts around the world are contemplating today? well i know i am not cured, nor have i moved into some form of advanced recovery. or is it just that as a human being, i find that hearing the same things over and over again, a bit tiresome? well that might be the case today. the irony is, is here i sit writing away about writing in recovery, whining about a passage that deals with writing about recovery. and so it goes…
…anyhow, this particular piece of prose has brought me out of where i was earlier and back into seeing myself as i am, just another addict, who has good days and bad ones. who can move from close-mindedness towards open-mindedness in a minute. and one who can find something in every repeated passage, or cliché that happens to come my way, if i allow myself to do so. and of course that is always the trick, allowing myself to be open to any idea that happens to come my way, today and every day. so i have a bit of yard work to do, some paid work to do, a cigar to enjoy and a recovery to allow to happen. it is time to sign off with the thought that it is yet another good day to write about it!
so how do i resolve this inherent conflict? well i could resort to a behavior i used when i was a f*cking new guy, just ignore those passages that i do not think could possibly pertain to me. that was a neat trick and as a result, i missed many of the things i could have been learning in my tumultuous early recovery. that little mind slip also kept me believing that i was somehow different, and unique. and i was sort of, cross-fellowshipping, taking the social life of recovering addicts and taking the spiritual life of recovering alcoholics. the result of that particular hybrid program of recovery were nearly disastrous for me, but i did finally come home to where i belonged from the start. but even though it is minor i do digress!
so these days when i find a passage in the daily meditation book that i think is far too mundane, or not pertinent, i have to stop and figure out why i i find it so. is it because i have slipped into being unique? well this morning that is not the case. is it because i am somehow cured and beyond contemplating what thousand of addicts around the world are contemplating today? well i know i am not cured, nor have i moved into some form of advanced recovery. or is it just that as a human being, i find that hearing the same things over and over again, a bit tiresome? well that might be the case today. the irony is, is here i sit writing away about writing in recovery, whining about a passage that deals with writing about recovery. and so it goes…
…anyhow, this particular piece of prose has brought me out of where i was earlier and back into seeing myself as i am, just another addict, who has good days and bad ones. who can move from close-mindedness towards open-mindedness in a minute. and one who can find something in every repeated passage, or cliché that happens to come my way, if i allow myself to do so. and of course that is always the trick, allowing myself to be open to any idea that happens to come my way, today and every day. so i have a bit of yard work to do, some paid work to do, a cigar to enjoy and a recovery to allow to happen. it is time to sign off with the thought that it is yet another good day to write about it!
∞ DT ∞