Some memes

clarity of thought, keys to locked places inside of me, and the voice of conscience are but a few. so who am i to deny myself the opportunity to unlock some of those benefits. the irony of this reading this morning, is that someone who recently appeared as a friend request in Face Book, accused me of writing a journal online. i have never thought of this particular exercise as a journal. although it certainly does give a chance every day or so, to check in with myself and do some writing, sometimes creative, sometimes therapeutic and sometimes just the parroting back of the stuff that echoes from inside my mind from all the shares i have heard since coming to the rooms. so i guess, i have to let go of the notion that this is not a journal and allow myself the freedom to have what i thought was different and unique, get pigeonholed into a place that i did not think it belonged.
for me, this exercise does have therapeutic and cathartic value. there is a little sensational thrill, as i slam the objects of my emotion on line, and in public, knowing full well, that if i am a bit cagey i can get away with some most defaming statements. there is also the purgative value of getting some the sh!t that lives between my ears typed out and posted in the semi-permanence of the web. most of all, there is value in that every time i do this, i GET to STOP and LISTEN to what is going on inside of me, FEEL and BE PRESENT for the voice of a HIGHER POWER, and attempt to put down in words the a mash-up of what goes on inside of me that is beyond the descriptive powers of language. quantifying and qualifying that which is indescribable has helped me to be better in touch with who i am and where i am going. the reading does speak to this, especially in the context of writing out my step work. i feel that typing and posting to the internet in not quite in the same class as putting pen to paper. close, but no cigar,, as i have very little physical connection with the words on the screen, nor are they anywhere as close to permanent as the words i write when i put pen on paper.
all of that aside, whether this is a journal (YUCK) or a blog (KEWLIO), is a distinction that really does not matter. i like to believe that i am some sort of maverick (with no apologies to Sarah P) at times, and as that legend in my own mind track reels on, a blog is more to that image than a journal; HOWEVER it is all spin in the long and short run. how i choose to spin it is a function of where i am and how i happen to be thinking of myself at this very minute. the facts are, i get a benefit from writing this blog, otherwise i would have stopped years ago. so to stop it because someone called something else is one of the silliest things that has ever crossed my mind. today, i know i am a bit healthier because i take the time in the morning to write down what i am feeling which ends up to be mostly my unedited thoughts and feelings, as they tangentially relate to the daily reading. there is also a side of me that gets a thrill exposing himself emotionally to the world via this particular exercise. to deny that would be denying one of the things that drive me to write this on a nearly DAILY BASIS.
the time to close is upon me, i think that no matter what label i happen to put on this daily exercise, the benefits to me are undeniable. it is just my need to maintain appearances that could drive me from an activity that is mostly healthy for me, to hiding in the dark and dank shadows that still exists in the mind of this addict. so on that note, i think i will close and see how running some distance goes today. life i good, i am in a good space and HAPPY MOM's DAY to all those mothers out there who happen to read this semi-random collection of thoughts.

∞ DT ∞