Blog entry for:

truth in my recovery.
this can go a couple of directions today, so hang on it just may be a bumpy ride, or not.
ironically, writing about stuff, events, feelings and what i perceive the **truth** to be, is something i do most every day. some days i am spot on, and work out whatever it is that is bothering me in the here and now. other days, well i poke around in the dark, listening for a reaction, and then attack that tender spot. the fact that i am writing about truth, honesty and my relationships with those concepts, only makes the irony that more delicious and apt, as that topic has been on my mind lately. what it comes down to is this: what exactly is my relationship with the truth, honesty and the Amurican way?
taking the latter first, right now i am quite embarrassed about my ignorant countrymen thinking that just because someone looks Arabic, is speaking Persian or Arabic or solving differential equations, that they are a threat to the safety of a plane.the worst part is that American corporations are buying this shite and booting American citizens off planes on the word of some ignorant, fear ridden hick from the sticks. i know the whole Trumpian philosophy is that anyone who is different presents some sort of threat to perceived order of things, but the truth is, society is shifting away from the views held by the ignorant, the once dominant and the bigoted xenophobes that make up his constituency and he represents their last gasp at greatness. it is time for the flight crews to receive a bit of “sensitivity training” and tel;l those ignorant slobs that they are clueless and perhaps they need to find another way to get to the sticks, as they are no longer welcome to accuse anyone of anything without some knowledge about what the fVck they are talking about. a few quick questions, would suffice and shut the idiot down. Do you speak Arabic? Can you actually read the Greek symbols on the page?
ok, the rant is over, or at least that part of the rant and i feel much better now.
the truth in all of that? i do not like to see my fellow citizens make the nightly news because they are idiots. it embarrasses me and i feel humiliated as an American and a citizen of the USA, because the world judges us, on the actions of the idiots who get their fifteen minutes of fame for being stupid.
in recovery, more times than i want to admit, i get a similar feeling when a friend or peer, makes a series of bad decisions and then brushes it off with something ignorantly stupid such as, “what did you expect, i am only an addict.” the fact is, i know what an addict is capable of, and i have made chains of poor and bad decisions myself. when i start rationalizing and justifying them with statements like “everyone lies,” then i am adding to my own misery. whether or not everyone does something does not mean i need to engage in that behavior. that mom truism about jumping off a bridge just because everyone else does so, rings in my ears and i chortle at hearing that voice in my head.
it is also true that is i want the peace, the joy of life and a respectful relationship with myself and the world around me, i need to emulate those who seem to have those qualities. if i just want to front having those qualities i can do that as well, as i have learned how to front all sorts of different types and behaviors, across the course of my addiction and my recovery. the relationship i desire with myself and the world around me is NOT based on what i think everyone else is doing, or at least i do not DESIRE it to be based on that notion. no, i want to be honest and truthful with my peers, my co-workers, my family but most of all with myself. today i have the desire to turn the statement about everyone lying into a lie itself, by not succumbing to the siren call of the easier, softer way.
so as i sign on for a Work From Home day and get comfortable in the whys of where i am going today, i can be certain that being honest and owning the fact that there are more than one idiotic events and decisions i can make today, that if i remember that what looks like a good idea and appears to be an easy way to go, may not be what i really want to do, just for today.

∞ DT ∞