ฮผ when i was using, i could not tolerate looking someone in the eye -- i was ashamed of who i was. ฮผ
Posted: Sun, Jan 4, 2009 08:22:57 AM
my time, money, and energy was not spent building loving relationships, sharing with others, or seeking to better my community. nor was i looking to change any of that when i came to recovery. i expected things to remain pretty much the same and was content, no that is not quite right, resigned would be more accurate, to the fact that was who i was, and that i was not going to change any time soon.
so i was wrong yesterday, when i said i would not be writing. i am done packing and just waiting for my ride, so a few minutes of quick brain dump is not a bad thing. yes, it is amazing that when i finally got clean, and when i was finally able to want recovery, that there were role models available for me to look at. and the most amazing part, was that these people were actually living the principles that they were espousing, and willing to give away the secret for the life changes that i needed to make in order to have what they had -- a sense of worth.
so yes, today, i can look someone in the eye, and i do recognize the shift in eye contact when i meet someone new to recovery. i also understand the difference between doing and saying. i could spend all day here, telling you about how great i am doing this gig, and for the most part it would not be untrue. or i can just live by the principles and let my actions speak for themselves. i would like to say, that i am one hundred percent comfortable in my skin, and some other such nonsense, but the truth is most of the time i am, and that is because as i was getting clean, and as i learn to live each day clean, i get the support of a loving fellowship, that allows me to try things out and see what happens. so anyhow, it is off to Central America and into the sun and fun of a tropical vacation, that if i really wanted to thing about is something that was given to me, because of the support i got from the members that were here when i got clean, without them, holding my hand and guiding me through this process, none of my life today would be more than something i was condemned to see to the painful end. my life sentence to active addiction has been commuted today, and i GET TO LIVE a life free FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION.
see you all inj a week or so!
so i was wrong yesterday, when i said i would not be writing. i am done packing and just waiting for my ride, so a few minutes of quick brain dump is not a bad thing. yes, it is amazing that when i finally got clean, and when i was finally able to want recovery, that there were role models available for me to look at. and the most amazing part, was that these people were actually living the principles that they were espousing, and willing to give away the secret for the life changes that i needed to make in order to have what they had -- a sense of worth.
so yes, today, i can look someone in the eye, and i do recognize the shift in eye contact when i meet someone new to recovery. i also understand the difference between doing and saying. i could spend all day here, telling you about how great i am doing this gig, and for the most part it would not be untrue. or i can just live by the principles and let my actions speak for themselves. i would like to say, that i am one hundred percent comfortable in my skin, and some other such nonsense, but the truth is most of the time i am, and that is because as i was getting clean, and as i learn to live each day clean, i get the support of a loving fellowship, that allows me to try things out and see what happens. so anyhow, it is off to Central America and into the sun and fun of a tropical vacation, that if i really wanted to thing about is something that was given to me, because of the support i got from the members that were here when i got clean, without them, holding my hand and guiding me through this process, none of my life today would be more than something i was condemned to see to the painful end. my life sentence to active addiction has been commuted today, and i GET TO LIVE a life free FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION.
see you all inj a week or so!
∞ DT ∞