Blog entry for:

**positive part** in the life around me. i am not one that likes to label actions, thoughts behaviors and events as negative or positive, as those terms are value judgments, and my values do not always align with those of society, my friends or even my peers in recovery. some of the time, however, labels are a quick shortcut to getting to the heart of what i am talking about. so as i write i pound out this caveat, one can be certain, that maybe there is a rainbow or a unicorn to follow.

take two!

certainly, “building loving relationships, sharing with others, or seeking to better my community,” are “positive” activities for me to engage in. what i heard this morning was not about how positive or negative my behaviors and actions have become as a result of FREEDOM from active addiction, but rather, the fact that i have FREEDOM today. ironically, that was what i heard yesterday and as i shared my experience with one of the men who calls me their sponsor at last night's meeting, everyone thought they knew who i was sharing about, when in reality, i was using my experience with him, to illustrate my own less than stellar way of thinking. i have a tendency to not critically think about the choices i make on a daily basis. i focus on the outcome, i desire and leave the less desirable consequences, on the table, or under the table as the case may be. living FREE, allows me to engage in all sorts of activities and make “bad” decisions and choices. even the whole of my experience since getting clean, is not enough to teach me that exercising FREEDOM, has its own set consequences, some of which are not to my liking at all.
this morning for example, i started work early and am taking this opportunity to pound this little ditty out. i am on the verge of finding the issue with one of the processes that has been “blowing up” over the past month, and yet, here i am going on about FREEDOM, choices and value judgements. for certain, the person who was dragged into the rooms of recovery, by his short-hairs, is not the same person emotionally or spiritually. that person has been transformed into someone who cares for the most part and lives his life by a set of values that were alien to him, way back when. those values now include considering the feelings of others, which means that when i choose to make a judgement, and trust me, that happens a whole lot of the time, i choose not to share it out loud. i can cast being judgemental into being discerning, if i want to sweep it under the rug, BUT does that really help advance my journey into becoming the sport of person i never thought i wanted to be? an interesting thought on which to wrap this entry up with, just for today.

∞ DT ∞