Blog entry for:

the open spaces of the wide, free world was never a direction i thought i was not going in. when using i was certain that my life was getting better day by day. much to my surprise, once the fog lifted and i became willing to be in recovery, i saw how deluded i really was and how bad things were fro me, in the real world. it is not as if my life is perfect every single day and that i feel free to do whatever i may have the desire to do, far from it. what i heard this morning and as i drove through the pea-soup fog to arrive at the office was that i have the FREEDOm today to move into a better place, IF i CHOOSE to do so.
i have been very active on Twitter lately, my handle in case one wished to do, is @imdont. anyhow, i have been following at least one newcomer and providing them support, such as it is. i have no idea if what i tweet in reply to their tweets has any impact on them, but for me, it reminds me of where i was, way back before i decided to do this recovery gig for real and stop fronting it. i “got” all the support i needed to make that transition and for me, it was even harder than staying clean in the first place. i had enough unacceptable consequences in my life and was spinning down to even worse ones, but i had already been clean for eighteen months, so i did not see the big deal. as i struggled with my insanity and the walls of my denial crashing down around me, those who were in the rooms already seemed to get what i was going through and support that i needed to become a single fellowship sort of guy and leave clean and sober behind me. finally, i found a place that was right in front of me, where i did not have to alter the facts of my life to fit in and what i wanted desperately in those days, was just that, a place to call home and home it became.
today, i attempt to give back what was given to me and even though that newcomer may choose a different fellowship, what i have to offer in recovery is universal. i want more from my life than mere existence and am happy when those around me strive for more as well. i am learning to let go of my disappointment and sadness for those who choose to be miserable or allow their lives to contract to three hundred square feet. that has been the lesson of the past few weeks for me and with the realization that i could feel what i feel and move, on, i have started to do just that, feel and move on. moving on 😁 it is time to post this little ditty and get some work done. it is a good day to be clean and to remember the only barrier to the open spaces of a free world are put there by me, myself and i!

∞ DT ∞