Blog entry for:

of attention, as in being able to pay attention and not necessarily the center of attention, was not a gift that i thought i needed. in fact, i thought i was pretty damn good at paying attention, when it behooved me. little did i realize that even when i was giving it my best, it was far from being anywhere close to being present for what was happening. this was not something i got right away, in fact i was over five years clean before i realized how much of my current life i was missing, because i was not paying attention to much of anything. the shock of coming to, was almost enough to make me want to be someone or somewhere else, in a heartbeat. as i have walked through that event and worked on the process of learning HOW TO pay attention, i have found that life is better in the present tense.
as i climbed the mountain this morning, letting myself let go of thinking about what i needed to get done this morning, i saw that perhaps i have been far too focused on what may come, especially when it comes to where i will be two weeks from right now. what i really think i need to do is come back to the right now and see what i can get done today for those who have a few expectations of me, such as my employer, my spouse, my friends, my peers and the men who call me their sponsor. i also have the feeling that whatever plans i may have made for today, may need to be altered just a bit, to fit the ever-changing world in which we live in. so i am going to mail off winnings to a friend and get out of the house after all, to take my 10 AM meeting in that smoke-filled room that i love to work at in the morning. just for today, i can be okay paying attention to those around me and actually listening to what they are trying to tell me, after all, my life may depend upon them and that information.

∞ DT ∞