Blog entry for:

... some comic relief or tears of sympathy. whatever those friends do, they ease my burden. i never have to be alone with my pain again. this is one of my favorite concepts of the recovery gig, the accumulation of people who care in my life. as i stay clean, and live the program to the best of my ability, i find more and more people who truly do care about my well-being and are willing to help share my the burden of pain i may be carrying. i just lost a peer and a friend in recovery to chronic pain, and as i sit here this morning, i wonder if there was anything else i could have done to help ease the burden that his chronic pain caused him. i know suffered daily, i know he did everything he could to avoid using the pain medications, surgery, physical therapy, yoga and even prayer, and yet in the run, it was the very substance that was supposed to make his life comfortable that brought his life to an end. how do i know this? because he and i talked about this very issue the last time we spoke for any length of time. he was disappointed that his back surgery did not provide permanent relief and was concerned about going back to chronic pain management. the return to the meds, brought him to his knees. after his relapse, and subsequent stint in a rehab facility, i had the hope he was on the path of recovery again.
whether or not, he was misusing his medication or not, is beyond my knowledge and today i CHOOSE to believe that he was not, and will continue to do so, until i learn otherwise. that is a new and different direction for me, and an indication of how far i have really come. i am actually giving a brother in recovery the benefit of the doubt. man how different is that!
so where is all of this leading? well first off, i will miss Joe, and i hope his passing will provide the sort of lesson i need in my life, namely dealing with chronic pain, is something that i need not do alone. i can bring in those people in recovery who care for me, to help me deal with this particular burden.
secondly, i NEED to spend that one extra minute on the phone, reach out one more time and offer my shoulder one extra time, to any of my peers in recovery who may or may not be asking for help in carrying the weight of life’s problems.
so time to hit the streets and work out again -- it does feel nice to once again have the desire to do so.

∞ DT ∞