Blog entry for:

problems bearable, by being capable of receiving love, guidance and support from those who understand and care for me. quite a mouthful for so early in the morning, but as i inventoried what i heard as i sat this morning, that certainly seems to be theme after the chaff had been removed. it is not as if i have a mountain of insurmountable and intractable problems, but there are a few concerns that haunt my existence. living with cancer and a precancerous condition, to name a couple. dealing with those who choose to live a life dependent on the kindness of others, is another. neither of those will be changing soon and all of those require my continued surrender to the acceptance that wishing them away will make everything okay. where i am today, is that being okay with what is will make me happier than wishing for the what never will be.
my plan today, after i trot through the neighborhood in dawn's early light, is to do a bit more prep work for my second chance online assessment and if i feel comfortable enough with where i am, technically, get the whole gig done and move on with my life. at least i did not code in my head while i was attempting to sleep last night. in fact, even though i did not want to get out of bed this morning, i do feel rested and refreshed. it is nice that the worry and concern i felt about even being considered for employment at this company, has diminished to a mouse's squeak, annoying, loud enough to hear when i am paying attention, but mostly lost in the white noise of living life to my fullest. i am certainly okay with that pea under my mattress.
moving into this morning, even though it is still quite dark outside, i think i am going to dress out and get my workout done. i really do not like this time of year and for me, the ways and means i use to ameliorate my annual bout of Seasonal Affected Disorder is to actively seek the sun and get out in the fresh air, rather than spending my days getting high. i am not sure if it is a better way to live or not, but for this human being, it certainly feels like it is. it is a good day to remember that if i am feeling less than anything today, i have people in my life i can reach out to, who will give that minute of healing touch. my life is certainly better than i may able to see, in those moments of doubt and pain.

∞ DT ∞