Blog entry for:

i never have to be alone with my pain again.
not that i have any of the intractable problems mentioned, but it this something i have acquired over time, the notion that i can share whatever pain i happen to be experiencing, and the burden is lessened.
however the reading is not on my mind this morning, what is top of my list was my serious misbehavior at my home group’s business meeting last night. i let my personality take over and slammed a fellow member over a very trivial concern, something that i do not even hold very dear to my heart. i have started the amends process with all of those who happened to see me in all my not so glorious aspects, and i was protected by my HIGHER POWER from really going off and finishing the task of taking another member’s inventory in a very public and loud manner. of course i felt at the time justified in doing what i was doing, and of course at the time i was acting purely on self-will and not listening to anything that my HIGHER POWER was trying to say, so now i am faced with the daunting task of admitting i was wrong and cleaning up the mess i made. this is not about looking good, although i am embarrassed by my behavior. nor is this about justifying or rationalizing my behavior, i could easily generate a thousand excuses for my behavior, what this is about is taking my inventory, discovering what it is about what this member said that sent me off into my tirade, and finishing the process by talking with my sponsor. so it goes, i guess i am only human too, DAMMIT, i thought i was better than this by now.

∞ DT ∞