Blog entry for:

okay, i usually do not use terms like blessed and grace very often, as some of the connotations of those words still can run a stinger or two down my spiritual spine. however this morning, after being informed that judgement day is GOING to be on May 21, 2011, i may be a little more apt to return to some sort of fold. then again, maybe not, i have made my bed and i can be comfortable accepting what will be. who knows who will be saying &$8220;i told you so on May 22nd.”
what does any of that have to do, with being at peace with the state of the world and doing what i can to be a part of that collective peace and serenity? certainly an interesting question and one that i probably need to build up some steam to get into. perhaps the best way to get rolling is to to state plainly what is going on with me these days. i have reached a point in my recovery, where being a sponsor does not mean that i am a babysitter. which means, in my book, that one is either doing the work, or one is seeking a new person to be a sponsor in name only. i am no longer willing to reserve my resources for a person who is not willing to invest their time and effort in themselves. as a result, there will be some changes in my own recovery and what i believe i need to do for myself, as the old bromide goes, what's sauce for the goose…
with that thought in mind, another piece of information that i need to add to the mix is my love of chaos. well the longer i stay clean, the less enamored i am with creating, participating and fostering chaos. recovery and the ongoing process of STEPS SIX and SEVEN, is not so slowly removing my NEED to be a part of this, and although there are times i miss it, what i do not miss is the whole shebang blowing up in my face, which is certainly a result one can expect when they are playing with explosive situations.
so if i am responsible for my recovery, if i am responsible for my time and resources, and i am no longer willing to pay the price for acting out; what is it and where is it that i am going? why, right back to the topic at hand, i can be an agent for peace and for solution by practicing a program of active recovery. i can pay it forward by making my little corner of reality that much less chaotic and unpredictable. eh amazing part is that the longer that i stay clean, the more attractive this alternative becomes, and the better i feel. which of course, as we all know, sets up a positive feedback cycle.
anyhow it is time to hit the duty trail and get some stuff going. i have a meeting to go to, a sponsee to spend some time with and miles to go before i sleep. i will do my best to keep this im mind, i am responsible for the direction and the quality of my recovery today, so i can accept that and crate a better world around me, or fight it and let the chips fall as they may. those are AMONG the choices i have today.

∞ DT ∞