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now that i am clean, however, i may find that i am particularly sensitive to the world around me. well not really, but that varies from day to day. yes i would like the world to be a more peaceful and serene place, and i also accept that there is little i can do to make that happen, EXCEPT to do my part to live a more peaceful and in a less violent manner. affecting change one day at a time is a good thing, and i am content to do my part in any manner that i can. part of the problem, is that i was not a violent person when i was using, well not physically violent anyhow. i was emotionally and verbally violent, and that part of me is changing as i move forward, living my life in recovery. it is ironic, that when i consider the ways i effect the world around me, i find that most of the time i am an agent for what may be termed a positive change. i also find that i can do even more, if i consciously choose to live my life by the spiritual principles i am so quick to espouse.
so pondering this point this morning, i find myself looking to be more peaceful today, i desire more of a whole lot of things for the world around me, and i can accept, at least intellectually that as i change for the better, my behaviors will also change and as they change so will my effect on my little corner of the world. emotionally i have a bit of trouble with this sort of acceptance, i want to make big changes, and i want to do so now! so for this addict balancing my emotional and intellectual acceptance is always the trick. a bit of examination of the chain of evidence helps me to have a more realistic view of what i can and cannot accept and for right now i am willing to allow that synthesis to take place at its own pace, it is after all a program of progress and hardly one of perfection.

∞ DT ∞