๐ค affecting ๐คท
Posted: Fri, May 7, 2021 07:45:46 AM
positive change, in my life and the world around me, by not being one of those who has to grab for all he can get. this morning, as i sit in a dingy, ancient hotel room in Billings Montana, i am impressed about how emotionally flat i feel. do not get me wrong, i was wound the fVck up when i arrived last night, eight hours of driving does that to me and the room i am in is far from meeting my standards as a “non-smoking queen-size.” i did get a short workout in, there is a “good” coffee house just down the street and i guess instead of saying i am “emotionally flat” a better description might be calm.
i skipped perusing my news feed this morning and i may not peek at it this evening, either. in this moment i can be okay with what i am doing and why i am doing it. i am not heading up to Chinook out of any sort of obligation. i am on my way to this family funeral, because i do not know how many more days the rest of that generation has to live. i wasted far too many years, pretending that i had no family of any sort, much less a huge family in Montana. i can never get those days back, BUT, and yes it is a HUGE ONE, i can make the most of the days that we are on this side of the lawn. my extended family is important to me, especially as i figure out who the fVck i am, after exploding the myth of being something i was not.
it is a good day to be clean and a better day to get my ass to a family funeral on the top of Montana, as in almost to Canada. today, what i want to greedily grab a hold of, is the seconds, minutes and hours i can be of comfort to my cousins, share my grief with my uncles and aunts and be present for whatever comes down the pike. as i travel north, i can also be a bit less aggressive as i drive US 87 and take the time to get my steps every hour. i really do not need to arrive in my Dad's home town in the same state as i arrived in Billings last night, and that is something i can affect in a positive manner.
i skipped perusing my news feed this morning and i may not peek at it this evening, either. in this moment i can be okay with what i am doing and why i am doing it. i am not heading up to Chinook out of any sort of obligation. i am on my way to this family funeral, because i do not know how many more days the rest of that generation has to live. i wasted far too many years, pretending that i had no family of any sort, much less a huge family in Montana. i can never get those days back, BUT, and yes it is a HUGE ONE, i can make the most of the days that we are on this side of the lawn. my extended family is important to me, especially as i figure out who the fVck i am, after exploding the myth of being something i was not.
it is a good day to be clean and a better day to get my ass to a family funeral on the top of Montana, as in almost to Canada. today, what i want to greedily grab a hold of, is the seconds, minutes and hours i can be of comfort to my cousins, share my grief with my uncles and aunts and be present for whatever comes down the pike. as i travel north, i can also be a bit less aggressive as i drive US 87 and take the time to get my steps every hour. i really do not need to arrive in my Dad's home town in the same state as i arrived in Billings last night, and that is something i can affect in a positive manner.
∞ DT ∞