Blog entry for:

where I am. as i have made clear more than once, i am not one of those **GOD** guys. my path of spirituality definitely veers way off the well trod path of my peers, and for me, that is a very good thing. so to use the word **blessed,** in the seed of this entry in my attempt to put down into words, the swirling mass of thoughts that i partake of each and every morning, is a stretch for me, unless…
with just a little shift in perspective i can remove my “hater” attitude and realize that being blessed, fortunate, lucky or just in a good place, may be seen as the same state of being. i did not arrive at this state by accident, so lucky is more than likely out the window. i still put far too much weight on material creature comforts, so anything that has to do with asceticism and heavy duty devotion to a spiritual path is also out of the window, so i am stuck with the conclusion that being blessed is probably the best word to describe where i am today.
there is not a whole lot of shakin' going on today., except in me. today i will have my first opportunity to see if i can remain detached from the chaos that is swirling around me and put my spiritual path ahead of the judge, jury and executioner that is part and parcel of who i am. yes i want to represent myself as some sort of spiritual guru, that has the recovery gig down pat and walks through my feelings with carefree aplomb. the actual truth and yes i know “everyone lies,” is that i have finally made some peace with my feelings and can face those i need to face. i will see if i can give them what i have, respectfully and in a spiritually sound manner and leave the results up to everyone and everything else.
the reading, after pulling in that seed i stole, goes on to say that although one cannot fix the general mess that is the world today, one can find a path to create a bit of a better place in their immediate vicinity, as in oneself and ones home and community. i know for certain that the path i have been on has decreased the amount of damage i cause to the world, reduced the amount of chaos i cause and has created within me a space that is respectful and serene. building on that, my new behavior set must also affect my immediate world. i do not have to worry about this or that and really do not think that tomorrow is sure to bring more pain and misery, to me, to my loved ones or to those i share my life with, these days. yes anything can happen, but worrying about the “what-ifs,” and living life in a crisis mentality will get me nowhere, except in line at the dispensary to exercise my right as an adult citizen of the fine state of Colorado. if living in a spiritual manner, and reducing the chaos that i cause, create a more peaceful world, at least in this small corner of it, than i guess i may be blessed after all.
which brings me back to where i am. that space i have carved out for myself, is the RESULT of following a few suggestions and staying clean. it is the result of deferring my need to fulfill my DESIRE, until the time is correct. more than anything else, it is because i have allowed myself to discover a path to my spiritual side, that went through enough transmogrification to get to where it is today. i understand a bit of who i am today, and more importantly i understand what it feels like to disappoint those who love me, although i have not disappointed anyone today. i also know what it is like to have an interesting relationship with truth and how i see the world and my place within it, and that is the springboard for all that i will be doing today. i must face the truth about who i think i am today. i must face the truth that i have feelings, opinions and have made more than a few judgements. i must take all of that into consideration and see if i can rise above the human me and access the spiritual being that i am becoming.
it is a great day to be clean and to not worry about what is left to come down the pike today.

∞ DT ∞