Blog entry for:

so basically what this reading suggests, is that if i want more peace and less turmoil in my life, i start by living less chaotically and more peacefully. makes sens, and it seems like one of those Captain Obvious ideas, that come down the pike, just about every day. of course, i can contribute to the general condition of the world, by changing my behavior, and the more i change my behavior, the less turmoil, chaos and discord i will cause. will any of that stop ISIS or the NSA, from their inherently evil behaviors? probably not, fanatics and extremists hardly ever see anything from outside their viewpoints and will always spin, obfuscate, manipulate and generally deny, that they are doing anything wrong. in fact, they often get so good at doing so, they actually believe they are making the world a safer, saner and better place. just as i did when i was using, i could justify everything i NEEDED to and ENDED up doing, because it fit some fVcking higher ideal in my life, when all it was, was an excuse to use some more, do what it took get use some more, and not feel the pain and anguish of the path of damage i left in my wake.
tonight i have the chance to clean up a bit of that damage, and set something a bit more right in person. not really sure how this may go, but i know that it is certainly the next right thing to do. when i left the geography of the north for ever, i left behind some relationships that were important to me, and never looked back. that collateral damage was not only acceptable, but at the time desirable, as if i had so many friends i could afford to throw a few of them away. the truth is, as i discovered in this last round of steps, that those relationships were sacrificed on the alter of my resentments towards a time and place, that was warped out of shape by the passage of the intervening years. that place, became the nexus of all that was wrong with me, it was the fault of those people, and the only reason i would ever return to that place, was to exact my revenge. well today, i put all of that behind me, reestablish a face to face relationship with one of those people and move forward. the anguish and pain i inflicted on myself, no longer needs to be part of my life. and who knows, maybe by 2025 i will be able to return to that particular piece of northern geography and be at peace.
anyhow, gotta run. it is a great day to be clean and a better day to be letting go of what i once believed was a defining characteristic, my hateful burning resentment. today the ISIS in m y heart has been pushed back once more, and is in the verge of being permanent and irrevocably defeated and vanquished.it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞