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a better place, by living a program based on spiritual principles, seems like a no-brainer. it is without a doubt that i am no longer a huge source of chaos in my community or my family and that most of my actions these day address the solution i have found and not the problem that i arrived with, when i came to recovery. if on ascribes to the theory that global change must be based in local actions, going down to the atomic behaviors of individuals, than the world is certainly a better place since i started my recovery journey. i may not be affecting world change by living the life i am, but i do know that i am affecting a deep and personal change. more than once, action i have taken have had affects far beyond what i can see, and i wonder if i am doing any good at all.
last night i gave a ride to a member who has had a bit of a struggle getting and staying clean. my part of the conversation was meant to open some doors, and i might have succeeded in that action. i was surprised when i heard the words come out of my mouth that i required no explanations for what had happened in the past, as it all boiled down to being an addict. as i considered this morning why i treated that addict with such kindness and compassion, when there are others i hold in less esteem, i never got the answer. i went a bit out of my way to help them last night and i do not regret doing so, as it allowed me to open my heart to someone who is trying to stage a comeback. the odd part, for me anyhow, is the level of forgiveness and compassion i actually exercised and it makes me wonder why i am so hard on some of my peers, who have continuously done this deal, since the day they walked into the rooms.
today, as i prepare to step out into the dreary spring morning, the notion that if i want others to behave as i think they should, the i need to hold myself to that same standard. the events of the past ten days, as insignificant as they may have seemed are driving me towards an inescapable conclusion, specifically that i am as guilty of my peers, of attempting to exercise power i do not and squandering the power i do possess. if i want to make the world a little bit better place, i need to change how i act and allow others to find their own balance, just for today.

∞ DT ∞