Blog entry for:

except when to do so would injure them or others.
have you ever woke up with the feeling that today would be a great day to create some orderly chaos by being singularly mischievous? well i have, in fact that is what i am feeling this morning and the reading is a great reminder, that although i may wish to create chaos instead of supporting order, there may be consequences to my actions that i WILL have to pay a price for, in the long and perhaps even the short run.
quite honestly, days like this are kept in check, by my very strong aversion to having to ever admit that i am wrong, or even worse <GASP> going back and repairing the damage i did to someone, especially someone who i am close to, through the formal amends process. of course, here is where the conflict begins do i act out and pay the price, or do i suppress my mischievous side and pay that particular price? as denying my emotions also has a price to pay. quite the interesting conundrum and one that i would have never considered back in the so-called day. this can all be avoided, by just locking myself in my home office and shutting off my cell phone and computer, HOWEVER the days of avoidance behaviors are also mostly behind me as well. so what in the world is someone who is trying to be healthier do? well, drum roll please, i could always go with the flow, play a prank or two, stir up a bit of trouble, carefully considering the consequences of my actions, allowing the playful me to come out and minimizing the amount of damage i do as a result. in other words be present and choose accordingly, using the principles of the program as well as the guidance provided me by the POWER that fuels my recovery.
when i was using, when days like this came up, and they did, so i know it is part of me and not something that addiction brought about, i would have already poked the hive more than once and been sitting back watching for the reaction. today? well i think i will run, pack up and take my office on its daily road trip and allow myself the freedom to have a bit of fun, create a bit of chaos and accept that there will be a consequence or two i my not anticipate and have to correct in the future. living life worrying about what may happen is also not part of what i am coming to understand is healthy for me. so off to the real world i go, high ho!

∞ DT ∞