Blog entry for:

to my conscience and listening to what it may be trying to tell me, are two separate actions. one of the shadiest of my peers, one who has decades clean, often spoke of hearing that still, small voice of his conscience, just before he went and acted out anyhow. watching how he behaved brought me to the realization that i, too, could choose to ignore my conscience with few consequences, or as my sponsor has told me more than once, i can choose the course of action i take, one “blessing” from my recovery journey is that i have far more examples of those who choose to live within their values, than those who do not. when i choose to connect with my conscience and follow its guidance, my life is much less chaotic.
when i consider the years i spent saying that i may not be able to detect the next right thing to do, it could tell by the feeling in the pit of my stomach the next wrong thing to do, it should have been no surprise when my sponsor told to to stop thinking and start feeling. i had already been doing that, practically from the start. learning to come to terms with the notion that as i stayed clean and as i applied myself at living a program, i no longer needed to believe that my first choice was always wrong and i could start to trust my intuition, especially when it came to trusting those around me. once i saw that i was worthy of being trusted, i also saw that i was worth being loved and respected, by myself and others.
this morning, on the day of my annual wellness checkup, i am far from a happy camper. i know i volunteer to “fast” so i can get my blood work completed, but the lack of coffee and food do little to make me a happy camper. instead of whining about how terrible my life is, in this instance, i think i will put on my workout togs and get some steps under my belt, after all, sitting here listening to my grumbling belly does little to improve my mood and being miserable is not an option i wish to choose, just for today.

∞ DT ∞