Blog entry for:

is out of my hands. across the course of my recovery i have sponsored quite a few men and one woman. for a myriad of reasons, most of the addicts i have sponsored, i sponsor no more. this week, all of sudden, a few of them have actually reached out to me for one reason or another. none of them took into consideration that i have a life and all of them wanted instant gratification of their needs. what i needed, where i wanted or my current state of being, did not seem to cross their minds. perhaps i am projecting a bit and casting motives where there are none. what matters that i CHOSE to fulfill their requests, at my leisure and once i got over my own bad self, did not have any expectation of return. it is true, that state was not like instant coffee, just add water, but had to percolate through my feelings of entitlement and expectations of gratitude. i do not, however, owe an amends or even a TENTH STEP correction, as they are certain to go on their merry way.
today, my plans have been altered by one of those “lost souls,” but that is not a bad thing, as i have the resources and the willingness to do something for someone else, this morning anyhow. of course my needs come first. i NEED to go to my home group. i NEED to hang with my peeps and my peers. and i need to be okay with where i am and what i am willing to give away, as the day rolls on. all in all, not too shabby for someone that has often been way too over-involved with rescue missions. no rescues today, for me, just a helping hand and the opportunity to let go of an outcome, just for today.

∞ DT ∞