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it does not, however fill the empty spot in me, that makes me feel lonely.
so i have time to dash off a quick little blog before running this morning. even though i got up early enough to get everything done before my ride came, all of a sudden i find myself running out of time. so it goes…
the reading speaks to that condition, that i doubt is visited upon most of the 85% of the human race that are not addicts, namely of feeling lonely and alone, even when surrounded by other people. when i say that to addicts, recovering or otherwise, they understand exactly what i am talking about. the nice part is that recovery can provide me the means to move beyond this condition, namely filling that place with a spiritual connection to the POWER that fuels my recovery, which is one of those suggestions i take very seriously.
as i have nothing but the party line in my head this morning, i think i will drift on to another topic, that is right at the stop of the stack. running the Bolder Boulder this morning is sort of a weird thing for me. there is all sorts of baggage attached, even though i have run it twice while being clean. there are also two previous runs that are tied to memories of using with one of my using buddies, in fact, he was one of the last friends i had way back in the day. so today's race breaks that tie, and for some reason i am feeling more sad than excited about that prospect. while it is the first time i will be running since i have quit smoking cigarettes, and i have been running with great consistency these past few years, so i should be able to turn in an awesome personal time today, it somehow does not feel like enough. i am not certain what is going on, and i guess i really do not need to be certain of why i am feeling this way. everything about today is a break from my past. everything about today, is something i have been working for. and everything about today, i feel certain is part of the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery and yet, the feeling of regret and loss still lingers.
oh well, i am sure that this too shall pass, and i have to finish getting ready to roll, before my ride arrives to whisk me away to the starting line. i am grateful for this opportunity and now i need to remember that i am not here to kill myself, just do well, on a personal note, yeah right like that is really going to stick once i get caught up with the crowd! i am after all, still a competitive sort and an addict on top of all of that, so wish me luck and i will see you on the flip side.

∞ DT ∞