๐ฆ finding deep fulfillment ๐ฆ
Posted: Sat, May 30, 2020 09:54:20 AM
in my interactions with others was not what i expected when i got clean. i was **good** with being alone after decades in active addiction and was ready to **settle** for a solitary life. as i have discovered across the days of my recovery, i actually **like** having people who care for me in my life. the events of the past few weeks and my medical angst has given me a gift beyond compare, evidence that there are people in my life, friends, peers, family members and acquaintances, who actually seem to want me in their lives.
here is where i could insert a bumper-sticker or two, and speak to have grateful i am for what i have been given by the POWER that fuels my recovery. instead, i believe i will go down the path of how i am feeling about my current employment situation. my workplace is getting weird, part of that is my drawing away and seeking a new job and part of it, is the “way we have always done things,” starting to cause friction. over the course of the past three years, my boss has been pushing to move out of that paradigm and up until all our clients notified us that they will be moving off our platform, we were making good progress into a distributed model, developers responsible for code, my team responsible for servers their code runs on. this week, my team got blind-sided by the dev team about an upcoming release. because i was on-call last weekend, i am taking Monday off and all of a sudden they are doing a release to a lower environment, that requires a bit of my attention. i acted out, in a passive-aggressive manner. i could justify and rationalize that bad behavior, but in the long run, what good would it do. i am not opening up my work computer until Monday afternoon, to check on a job that fails every single month. that is on me and that is something i am willing to do.
anyhow, i am glad that in my personal and spiritual life, i am progressing forward. i can say that i am not playing hostage to anyone today and not taking any hostages. i am going to get the dawg out for a walk, get to my home group and then get a workout in. today, i have soem work to do on this website and some HOA work to do as well, so burning a stick on the patio, while i code and pound away on the keyboard, feels like a good plan for this day.
here is where i could insert a bumper-sticker or two, and speak to have grateful i am for what i have been given by the POWER that fuels my recovery. instead, i believe i will go down the path of how i am feeling about my current employment situation. my workplace is getting weird, part of that is my drawing away and seeking a new job and part of it, is the “way we have always done things,” starting to cause friction. over the course of the past three years, my boss has been pushing to move out of that paradigm and up until all our clients notified us that they will be moving off our platform, we were making good progress into a distributed model, developers responsible for code, my team responsible for servers their code runs on. this week, my team got blind-sided by the dev team about an upcoming release. because i was on-call last weekend, i am taking Monday off and all of a sudden they are doing a release to a lower environment, that requires a bit of my attention. i acted out, in a passive-aggressive manner. i could justify and rationalize that bad behavior, but in the long run, what good would it do. i am not opening up my work computer until Monday afternoon, to check on a job that fails every single month. that is on me and that is something i am willing to do.
anyhow, i am glad that in my personal and spiritual life, i am progressing forward. i can say that i am not playing hostage to anyone today and not taking any hostages. i am going to get the dawg out for a walk, get to my home group and then get a workout in. today, i have soem work to do on this website and some HOA work to do as well, so burning a stick on the patio, while i code and pound away on the keyboard, feels like a good plan for this day.
∞ DT ∞