Blog entry for:

of a HIGHER POWER is my greatest source of strength and courage.
TAKE TWO!
i could say, i had this wise and pithy entry all types out and lost it in a mistyped key stroke, the latter is true, the former, not so much. i have all sorts of change happening in my life these days, a new and challenging contract job, a trip to Idaho, family from out of town and a new canine member of our household. all said, this has been quite the week and it does not promise to be any less full in the coming days.
there is an old saying bin the rooms that i NEVER get anything that i am not prepared to deal with, and while that is a comforting thought when times are not so good, in the good times, it feels kind of creepy, as there is a part of me, that still does not believe i am worth having any sort of good life. This whole giving and receiving love theme is driving my step work, when i actually do some, and yet feels so alien and foreign to me, i sometimes believe that i cannot possibly be living in the real world and i keep wondering when i will wake-up in the hospital after nearly dieing from a near fatal overdose.
before i forget:

2 YEARS CLEAN
WAY TO GO
BRANDI W

that last statement is one that i used find so trite, not the congratulations on achieving another clean time milestone, the part of awakening to find all of my life in recovery is a dream and not reality. it goes back to all kinds of the garbage i still drag along and the only HOPE for me to discard it, is to move forward on my STEP WORK. i am finally seeing that it is time to put this new piece of my past in perspective. i would like to be some sort of step cheerleader that says i work steps with dispatch and regularity, and as nice as that would be, the truth is, i work steps when things change enough within me, that it is time to do so. i have just enough grace to practice that sort of program today. i get that when the time comes, i need to hop on it, and the reading about STEP THREE today, reminds me that is certainly the case. so instead of playing tug of war with our new canine companion,

i think i will move forward with my chores, the responsibilities i have and see if i can manage to have lunch with my cousins after all this afternoon. it is a great day to be clean!

∞ DT ∞