Blog entry for:

because i know i have the help of a loving HIGHER POWER, even when i forget that little fact.
as i go through my day to day life, i often think that each task, decision, or crisis needs to be handled by me, all by myself. that sort of thinking imp-lies that i certainly have a lack of FAITH, which may or may not be true.
for me, this whole FAITH gig has been a tricky thing for me. one of the reasons for this, is that i did not come to the path of a recovery with any working concept of a HIGHER POWER and was led dragging and kicking into accepting that there may be something more out there. those old attitudes still creep in from time to time and once again i find myself doing whatever i think i need to do to get what i believe i NEED! the problem is i am often confused about what i NEED and what i want and when i am not getting what i want, i believe that my NEEDS are not being met, and when i believe my NEEDS are not being met, it is time for me to kick into high gear and take care of getting things done. in a nutshell, the little bit of FAITH i have developed flies out the window and i end up manipulating everything and everyone around me.
so it is nice to have these little reminders that since i made my very first third step decision way back in the dawn of my recovery, i have had a HIGHER POWER working in my life, when i choose to let it work. my job has become to listen for that guidance, and let the process happen as it will. i need not try and control every little event and i need to accept that my NEEDS are being met. the evidence strongly suggests that my NEEDS are being met, day by day, hour by hour, even though i am not getting everything i want exactly when i want it DAMMIT!
of course all of this is tied into my recent behaviors, which have been demonstrating my lack of FAITH not only in my HIGHER POWER, but the power of the recovery process itself. so what to do today? do my best to live in FAITH and let go of the NEED to control -- really quite simple when you look at it.

∞ DT ∞