Blog entry for:

i can trust that my needs will be met. a couple of things, well i lie ,many ideas, notions and fights of fancies are running through my head this morning. a i prepare for a bit of serious downtime, even though it will be a busman's holiday, i do not have anywhere i NEED to be, but quite a few destinations i WANT to be at.
so what is going on this morning? well popping off the stack:
<POP> what i wanted to ask my friend last night was if they were still clean, i politely asked them if they were ok, and the answer was more than a bit vague. as they are sitting on the marginal fringes of the protection of the fellowship, i am concerned that the point of no return has already been reached and the spiral down into active addiction has them in a death grip — i AM however powerless, and have to leave this one to the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
<POP> well, i have started a monster game, by something i do to pay attention when those who i have very little respect for, decide to share. it has even led to a nickname, that i helped to create. i could rationalize and justify away everything after all they did this and that, but the truth is, i need to let go and allow it to die a natural death by attrition, because i know i have a short attention span, and there will be some new flavor of the week for me to play around with — i have FAITH that this too shall pass, when i stop contributing to its unnatural life cycle.
<POP> i have not heard one peep from my new sponsee and FNG, with whom i met with on Sunday. i am starting to come to the conclusion, that i am certainly a bad judge of the desire to walk this program. — reaffirm my decision to stay clean, no matter what and let the POWER that fuels my recovery take care of those, who are not quite ready to receive what i am willing to give.
<POP> i got two letters yesterday, one from a sponsee who has chosen to put himself behind bars to avoid being sent back. the other from an ex-sponsee, who seems to finally be getting what i have been telling him for nearly a decade. the first believes that somehow i will be leaving him out to dry, so i need to reach out today and let him know that i still want to maintain our relationship and grow it into something more. the second also seems to think i am saying goodbye, because i closed off all forms of communication with except for the postal mail. i also need to reach out and tell him, that although what i will and will not tolerate has changed, i am not going anywhere, at least not now — allow the desire i FEEL to be manifest inn action, as it feels like the next right thing to do.
so with the stack mostly empty, i see why this reading has triggered such a response in me. each case is its own separate thang, but when the pieces are arranged and i step back i see that it i am hearing the same thing across the board — i need to return to my decision to walk courageously in the FAITH that i have worked so hard to finally possess. these few examples as well as the twenty other topics that are now bubbling up to the surface all have the same solution, trust in my THIRD STEP decision, allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to provide for my needs and just do the next right thing. simple as that sounds…
i do, however, have to go to work today, so it is off to the showers and into the least day of work for this week, and yes i can carry my FAITH with me, as i venture out into the so-called normal world.

∞ DT ∞