Blog entry for:

and strength i need to face another day clean, comes from my FAITH in the program that has given me this new manner of living. so a quick peek at where i am for the month, revealed that in my obsession with the new computer i **forgot** to write my blog on Saturday. there are also some things i need to get from the old box, some time during today as i work head's down on creating a different way of doing things with my little development project. where i am right now and where i was a year ago, certainly does show that something is working and that when i surrender and stop living in what ends up being self-will, i might even get by.
on day two of no nicotine, in any form, i woke up feeling a bit stronger, having lived through the cravings yesterday. i keep telling myself i really “enjoy” cigars, and that is certainly part of the truth. when i sit down with friends in a lounge and have a ”relationship” that lasts longer than eight to ten minutes, once or twice a week, that is fact. when it is a daily affair or even worse, every time i get in my car and go somewhere, than probably not. when i think that i am feeling “less than stellar” and a “couple of hits” will do the trick, than i certainly need a bit of strength for the POWER that fuels my recovery, as nicotine has become something more. ignoring the fact that i “had” cravings yesterday, even makes this little experiment in FAITH all the more germane and pertinent to my general physical and spiritual health.
my plan today? walk every time i want tobacco, work late so i do not have idle hands this afternoon and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to remove the desire for nicotine from me. even though i have no desire, right here and right now, it is time to get some steps in for this morning. allow myself the FREEDOM to get up and change what i am doing, when the “desire” come upon me. most importantly, surrender to the fact that no matter how i slice and dice it, i am powerless over nicotine to to put this genie back in the bottle is going to take a whole lot of help from the POWER that fuels my recovery, just for today, for sure.

∞ DT ∞