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i have to attend meetings, work the steps, call my sponsor, and be of service.
yes i want to believe that recovery is something to fit into my busy life. after all, now that i have arrived to this new life, i might as well enjoy it. all of those gifts are mine for the taking and yes, my valuable resource most days is time, so living takes much more time than it did back in the day, recovery now must take proportionally less, or what is the point.
in fact, i stopped writing this, to take care of some of the home chores that i have to accomplish this morning, yes life taking precedence of recovery.
i cannot and will not speak for anyone else, BUT for me, remembering the fact that this new way of life, is a process, a destination, rather than an event, is something that i need to stress. meetings are not just a place for me to puke about the bumps in the road that life on life's terms brings to me. service is not just doing enough to look like i am involved. my sponsor is not some mythical creature, similar to unicorn, that i have never seen, much less has been relegated to a fairy tale status. and the steps are not just something i do once and move on. finding the time to do all of that as well as live the life i have been led to, can be challenging, even in the best of times, so what am i supposed to do.
well the literature strongly suggests that i fit my life with all its gifts and constraints on my time, into my life of recovery. yes, i paraphrase, but the meaning is still there. my new way of living, is still a journey and not a place i arrive at and get to kick back and chillax upon arrival. recovery is not a one-way ticket to the good life and when i treat it as such, i end up in destinations unknown, with the final result being active addiction once again. i have seen that happen, time and time again, and yet the process of getting to that place is like a siren's song to the part of me i call addiction. after all, was my using life really all that much different from my current life? getting and using and finding the ways and means, consumed as many resources as recovery does today, so have i traded one for another? yes I HAVE! i have a life today that is so much more than it ever was. i can and do make a living that excites me and compensates me well for my innate talents and abilities. i have people who love me and actually care for my well-being, instead of loving me because i am related by blood. most importantly, in this new life, i can allow the lies i tell myself to be exposed for the myths that they are and replace those myths with a fact-based view of reality. as much as any so-called normal human being can. i am healthier, wealthier and wiser because of this journey, not despite the journey. and here is where i would go into the whole gratitude spiel. i will spar you that today and just say, that now that i look at this, in this manner, i am grateful for recovery and its gift of life and as the day progresses i will remember that my life needs to fit into my program of recovery, just like it did at one day clean.
so it is off to the showers and into this day, to accomplish what i can. it is after all…

∞ DT ∞