Blog entry for:

of my life and the bastion of my freedom, BUT only IF i live a program of active recovery. simple enough and for me, that is not all that hard to accomplish on most days. the fact is, i enjoy going to some meetings, i find the peace of mind i GET from a daily inventory helps me to sleep and the balance i achieve in daily meditation are well worth the effort to do those tasks. living in the real world, though, poses all sorts of challenges to me, my commitment to any sort of recovery program can lag. it is here where the danger lies, especially since it has been a day or two since the last time i got high.
i often speak of FREEDOM when i write these little exercises of cynical mind-dumpery and i often may seem to disparage who i am and minimize the effort i put into my program of recovery. it is true, that most of what i do, i have done for a bit of time and it really takes no conscious effort to have the desire to implement it in my daily life. the auto-magic nature of my recovery routine, keeps the foundation of my life fairly stable, day after day, month after month and yes, year after year. that of course is the danger as well. i can believe that somehow i have moved into “advanced recovery” or have somehow transformed into one of the other 85%. the irony of another addict asking if my daily implementation of a program of recovery threw me into one of those categories, makes me chuckle today. sure there are times when i think i am beyond the reach of the rooms., that i am so “well” that i can do what i did in the past. somehow i have forgotten what started off innocently enough led to a life of degradation and debauchery. the danger of having a foundation, at least for this addict, is that i forget that it exists and take my program of recovery for granted. all it takes is a single flip of the switch and i will be spinning back down into the “pit of misery.” i have been witness to that process more than once and have no illusions of being exempt. so just for today, i think i will head over to my home group and be a part of the process that shores up my foundation, instead of thinking that i “got this!”

∞ DT ∞