Blog entry for:

well once again this morning i get to comment on a reading that i truly believe in. funny after all the fighting and wailing and gnashing of my teeth how things are once again beginning to fit. there was once a time i carried a slightly altered version of my priority list in my head and i called it my recovery totem. the funny thing is, that as i advance down this road i have discovered that many things i once believed and tools that i once used are no longer relevant and can be safely discarded.
one of the ideas that i often toy with is my priority list, after all i have some time clean, i am not nearly as insane as i used to be, i have achieved a state of quiet between my ears most of the time and i have gotten very busy with living. all of those are gifts of my recovery and having a very good "forgetter." i can come to believe that i have always been this way or even worse, that i can continue to advance in those areas with very little help -- after all was it not my effort and diligence that created these things in my life. and there the lie has got me going down a path that will cause me to change my priorities. after all is the disease of addiction really chronic and incurable? it has been my experience that recovering addicts that start to believe this lie end up raising their hands for thirty days again if they make it back to meetings.
yes i did practice diligence in doing those things that have gotten me to the place i am right now and it only through a similar effort that i can continue to allow those gifts to grow. my first priority has to be recovery -- i wake up every morning in active addiction and it is only because i choose to do some things to arrest that active disease that i can go through life. truthfully, it may not be complicated but it is hard to practice the same diligence that it took to get clean, to stay clean today but that effort is worth it, at least for this addict. so what exactly am i saying? probably just this -- for me -- my recovery needs to come first because as the selfish self-centered person that i am does not want to lose what i have been given over the course of this journey!
∞ DT ∞