Blog entry for:

i can start to enjoy my relationships with others.
relationships, seems to be what each set of steps have turned out to be about, after the first step cycle. my relationship with self -- which ended up healing me enough ti commence a romantic relationship. my relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery, which allowed me to grow some FAITH. the latest set? my relationships with the fellowship i call my recovery home. after 15 years clean, i am just coming to grips with being defined as myself, and not through the service i do for the fellowship i am a member of, and that transition has been as tough as anything else in the course of my recovery. so for all the silence in our literature about relationships, it is ironic, that is where most of my recovery focus has been on, since i was 18 months clean or so. the fellowship has finally addressed this void, by writing a new piece about life after getting clean, and for me, i think it is a wonderful piece and one that i can turn to, often, for a clue or two about what others think about life in recovery.
back on topic, my friend, who happens to be in a fellowship that addresses behavior around relationships, is astounded that i have done so much work in this area, and even when i look at my track record, i can see it is fairly amazing that i have stuck around and chipped away at my biggest problem. in the 25 years of active addiction, i never learned how to do relationships, much less form long-lasting and meaningful ones. it is amazing i had any friends and even developed an ex-wife, in the course of that selfish, self-centered lifestyle. today, as i open myself up for the joy that friendships with my peers in recovery bring me, i get rewards beyond my wildest dreams, as well as the chaos that comes along with the whole i am only human gig. chaos is what i am seeing all around me, and amazingly, all that chaos has a single root cause, addicts who have admitted they are addicts, using and then trying to hand around the fellowship on the very edges, lest they get swept into this the world of abstinence and growth. today i am grateful i am not high. i do not want to get high. and I AM WILLING to do what it takes to maintain that state of well-being. which right here and right now means hit the showers and head on down the road to my full-time gig, after all i have relationships there to maintain as well.

∞ DT ∞