Blog entry for:

tell me much about my essential character, especially when i look at how i act and react to them, in my every day life.
so vacation is over, and even though i am working from home today, i expect to have a pile of work upon my desk, virtual or not. the breakthroughs i seem to be having during my “pause” seem to be all about me and my relationship with myself and the reading today is about relationships with everyone else. while it is certainly true, how i think about and treat myself, is reflected in how i relate to those around me, today i believe i will step out of that box and move into the real world to see what is happening there.
among the relationship[s i have been very aware of lately, is my relationships with my peers in recovery. just so i am clear, my peers are any members of my fellowship, who are in the rooms at this time. yes that means the FNGs, the dinosaurs, the tourists, the treatment denizens and all the rest. for the most part, it seems i am in good standing with my peers, and that is quite a new thing. in the past, they certainly felt what i believed and many thought me unapproachable and arrogant, to the extent that they were intimidated by me.it seems these days i am a whole lot more approachable but that does not mean i am less intimidating, as i remember how intimidated i was by those members that had bunches of days clean. times change and fortunately so do i! when i finally came to a place, where i believed i was worthy of reaching out to those members, i realized that, like me, they were just addicts in recovery, doing their best to stay clean. the only difference was the last time the used was long before the last time i used. they, like me, were just as close to their next use, even if they said: “using is NOT an option for them!” today i live in the reality that using is ALWAYS an option, just one i choose not to exercise.
the fact that i am no longer compelled to give a middle finger salute to the self-absorbed and self-entitled drivers i encounter on my daily commute, is another symptom of me being better at this relationship gig. it is also a gift that i am not the one requiring the “number one,” from those i encounter, most days as well.
and so it goes, i am way too distracted with work today to write anything pithy, wise or humorous, so i guess i will just say it is a great date to be clean, grab a shower and get on with my busy day.

∞ DT ∞