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a look at these associations can tell me much about my essential character.
so the reading yesterday was about the SPECIAL relationship i have developed with my sponsor and the reading this morning suggests that possibly i need to take a look at ALL of the relationships that i am a part of in my life. not at all a too daunting task and one that i am up for at anytime, NOT!
i do understand the value of taking a look at my part in the relationships i have and have had, just coming through the fifth step process and well into being worked by the sixth step. the largest issue, when it comes to relationships that cropped up in my fourth step inventory was the unrealistic expectations i foist upon some of those in my life. in fact all the resentments that were on the inventory were due to my expectations not being met, me setting standards of behaviors for others, and them failing to live up to my unstated agenda. not too much there to deal with! so here i sit this bright march morning wondering about how i can avoid the trap of setting expectations upon those with whom i have a relationship with these days. in reality i know that expectations and setting them and judging performance based on the meeting of those expectations will probably remain a part of my life. so with that piece of reality behind me, how do i proceed? well acknowledging that i have expectations, i can look at my feelings around those expectations and see why i find the need to set and measure performance based on those expectations. it probably comes from the relationship i have with myself and how i am not living up to the set of values that i have developed across the course of my life. instead of pounding myself, i pound others into submission, or walk away from them in a petulant, resentful manner, thereby deflecting my punishment of myself. a nifty trick, when i can get away with it. the problem is that those to whom i am the closest to are the very ones who suffer at the altar of my unmet expectations the most. so my task today as i see it is , if i feel anger rising towards any of the folks with whom i am interacting, take a moment and do a spot inventory -- did they actually do something over which i could get angry about or are they just another unmet expectation waiting to be polished in to a bright and shiny resentment? back to the being prompt to feel my feelings theme once again and not a bad manner to let the sixth step work me today.

∞ DT ∞