Blog entry for:

that is filled with relationships is one of the gifts of recovery, DANG IT! well when i look back at it, i guess my life has always been full of relationships, one-sided as they were, me taking all i could get them to give. the process of seeing relationships as more than transactional or a zero-sum game, has been a a bit onerous and fraught with peril. when someone offers me something i did not ask for, i used to wonder what the price i would end up paying may be. running that gift through the filter of my motives, i could determine what i thought i might pay and see if i was going to be willing to pay it. these days i may still start that exercise, however i quickly realize how futile it is, as most of my relationships are no longer like that.
moving on. the government of Ireland has decided to cancel all tours until after 3/29, so for the first time in two weeks i actually slept very well. i would have denied that the fate of my Irish adventure was keeping me up at nights, but last night was proof that it certainly was. now all i have is my NYC trip to twist and turn about, and that is much easier to let go of, as i will not be traveling out of the country. that trip is based on me having the DESIRE to be present for a friend as he has a very BIG DAY in his spiritual path. no pay-off for me, except the joy in sharing his joy and the joy of my two friends who are making the journey as well. of course there is still all the reaction to COVID-19 to fume and fret about. of course i can choose to go there again, but just fro right now, i can leave that by the roadside of my daily journey and move along.

∞ DT ∞