Blog entry for:

by taking an inventory of my relationships, what an interesting concept. of course i have progressed so far that i have nothing but good things to write about my part. ;) of course that is not true or even close to being true, but what is the point of having my own personal forum if i cannot exaggerate and flat-out lie every now and again?! seriously though, i feel like ever since the completion of my first set of steps i have done nothing but focus on my relationships often to the point of nausea. well that too is a bit of hyperbole. but i have been focusing on my relationships and the truly ironic part is, that the more i look outward the more i seem to grow from within. i started the last set of steps specifically with relationships and co-dependency as the focus and ended-up with looking at the relationship i have with myself. i started my current set of steps with the focus of looking at how and why i make the decisions i do, and the focus has been repairing my relationships with others, so when i read this particular entry in the morning meditation book, i have to chuckle to myself. yes i have inventoried my relationships over and over again, and what i have discovered is that most of the time the unhealthier the relationship is, the larger part i had in making it sick. people-pleasing, approval-seeking, and plain old co-dependency have created some very sick relationships over the course of my recovery. the part i have a problem with, is how to repair them. i have yet to learn how to gracefully set a boundary and have hurt some very dear friends in the process. but because of my previous step work, so far, i have been able to clean-up my part in that mess and move on to something more. setting boundaries is a topic for another day, but today i am not willing to settle for a sick relationship only to have companionship or approval. this reading reminds me that i deserve to participate as a full partner in healthy growing relationships and change those that are not, one day at a time.

∞ DT ∞