Blog entry for:

my spiritual well-being, is a task i can and often do on a daily basis. living life in recovery, even after a minute clean can be a challenge, especially now that i ave grown a conscience, or better put, no longer suppress my conscience by the use of substances or by acting out. these days, i rarely need to corrective part of the TENTH STEP, as i am a bit more proactive when i am starting down that path. most of the time i actually consider the consequences and ask myself if i truly am willing to pay the price. most of the time the answer is a resounding HELL NO! most of the time that is, however, there is still a part of me who does not care and continues down that destructive path to the very bitter ends, which does not include using drugs. that hardly means that i have “arrived” or that i am somehow immune to relapse, it just means that i have the desire to stay clean and that desire is stronger than any desire to use.
moving into the here and now, all of a sudden i am a very busy sponsor. i have possibly two new men who might want to call me their sponsor and one that has come back after facing life on its own terms. most of the men i sponsor have worked the twelve steps and have what one might consider, long-term recovery. i am no longer the type of sponsor who hounds the men he sponsors with the refrain of “The Steps, The Steps, The Steps…” these days i allow them the freedom to do what they will and when needed come to me for direction in their spiritual program. for a minute or so, that has meant that i have not had much on my sponsorship plate. this quiet time has allowed me to focus on my spiritual self and i have relished the break. if i were one to hold the belief of some sort of divine plan for my life, i would say GOD has arranged things so i was ready to take on a few new challenges. as it is, i see it as some of the opportunities that i could have missed if i were to be over-involved in the lives of others. whether or not i think that GOD will not give me more than i can handle, i see this new phase in my recovery journey as something that will certainly help me grow. listening for the next right thing and feeling my way through to doing it, is the message i am getting today, and who knows, by Friday, neither of these potential sponsees may find that i am the right person to start a sponsorship relationship with right now.
so it is off to the crappy coffee machine to get a refill on go-go juice and into a day where there is very little going on in my workspace. it is time to dig a bit deeper into my already submitted work to see if i can find anything that needs a bit of polish. i know that my commitment to myself is strong today and just for today i will allow myself to honor it by living the best program of active recovery that i can live.

∞ DT ∞