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the reading talked about those in later recovery having a lot of material on relationships. i do not consider myself in later or advanced recovery, but i do have some time, and i have found the longer i stay clean the more i deal with my relationships in inventories and such. the irony of that statement is just overwhelming, yes the more i look at myself through the process of the steps, the more material i generate about my relationships. that is a symptom of continuing growth and a return to sanity and not of my addiction taking hold.
no that is not a rationalization, nor any sort of spin. here is why, as i grow through the recovery process, i get to dig through all the selfish crap that i brought with me to recovery. active addiction for me, was a decades long process, that was ended against my will. learning to live life in recovery, has been and certainly will continue to be a long process as well. honestly when i came to recovery, i believed that everyone else had the responsibility to take care of me in ALL of my relationships, and if you could not live up that that singles overriding expectation, you were history.life was quite simple in that respect, and the few relationships i NEEDED to hang on to, well let me say that amends have been made, and will continue to be made the rest of my recovery to those who were the victims of my full-fledged addiction.
not that abstinence made me an instant relationship saint. i still behave badly in relationships. i still enable others to act-out. when others enable me, i still take the opportunity to act out with gusto! the part of me i call addiction, could certainly take those facts of my life and run through the whole whipping post about how little i have changed, so why bother, after all this recovery gig may not be complicated but it is certainly difficult, the easier, softer way…
well those facts of life, while true, are taken way out of context and certainly can be used to bolster the argument that i am right where i am supposed to be. yes i can be all sorts of things, BUT what recovery has given me and continues to provide is the means to be a better man than i was yesterday. part of becoming that better man, is to recognize my part in my relationships, GOOD and BAD, and correct those parts that i can. of course that means the material on relationships just keeps on coming and that is not a bad thing!
anyhow, i have stuff to get done this morning, so as i would love to sit here and write thousands of words about how sick i was and how much healthier i am today, as a result of the multiple relationships that i have inventoried, i need to get moving on to my next activity. it is a good day to get clean, and yes, there will be relationship stuff on my 10th step this evening, as there is always, BUT i can and will correct what i can, amend what i can and own my part in all of it, that my friends is part of the active recovery gig.

∞ DT ∞