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the more freedom i will gain! quite a radical equation, responsibility equals freedom. intuitively i would have though the exact opposite, as i take on more responsibility i am less free, as now i have the burden of my responsibilities to endure. does the burden of responsibility really make me less free, is of course the direction i seem to be going this morning.when i finally accepted my responsibility for my recovery, all of a sudden, my legal troubles diminished and eventually went away to such a place, where they are no longer a factor in whether or not i can get hired on as an employee. when i accept the responsibility for going to work, guess what. all of a sudden, my bills get paid and i get freedom from those nattering nabobs of negativity known as bill collectors. when i accepted the responsibility of owning a home, i got the freedom, to come and go as i please and to have a safe and warm place to lay my head on my pillow, night after night. hmmm, even with the burden of mortgage payments and home maintenance, showing up for 60 hours a week and being a member of the “no matter what club,” i have all sorts of freedom, that i never dreamed i would have, back in the day. in fact, i even have the freedom to act-out, when i choose to do so, because i have accepted the responsibility of living a life in active recovery. it is true, that when i do so, i also have to accept the responsibility for the consequences, even if i apparently seem to get away with something. responsibility, therefore, is a double edge blade that cuts both ways, the more freedom i want, the greater my responsibility to do whatever it takes. ironically, what looked like unfettered freedom, in the chemically induced haze that was my life before recovery, was actually slavery to all sorts of things, and my lack of personal responsibility, continued to make my life more and more unmanageable. i have a sponsee who is certainly at the crossroads. if he chooses to change the way he is living, he will see his birthday the same place he has seen the last 10 or so, incarcerated! although he may have gotten away with what he thinks is a free pass, he is ignoring the warning signs at his peril. they know what he is doing and are gathering evidence to put him away for a very long time. it saddens me, to see him being a slave to his ego and what he thinks his labor is worth, but that is the choice he is making and in the long run, the consequences will either catch-up with him or not. i have already lived up to my responsibility in this matter, by telling him that flat-out, now i let go and allow him the freedom to choose where he wants to spend his next birthday at, free or once again locked-up.
anyhow, yes i have to get rolling down to Boulder, as my freedom to eat and live where i choose, hinges on my decision to go to work today. today, i take responsibility for my will and my life and surrender it into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery.

∞ DT ∞