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that thrives on the efforts and resources of others, commonly known as a leech, is certainly an apt description for me, certainly in active addiction and even from time to time in recovery. i know, i have resolved to see myself in a less harsh light and as the days since making that declaration pass, i do a better job than i have done in the past. then, up pops a reading that nails a current manifestation Of addiction on its head, and <BOOM> off i spin into the spiral of self-deprecation. time to add some balance to my thought pattern this morning and be okay with how i may be feeling, once i put it into context.
i often spin into a state of confusion when i try and balance self-support and dependence on my peers in recovery. i certainly NEED my peers in recovery to help fill in the gaps of my recovery program. i do not need my peers to provide me the means to put myself deep into a financial hole to exercise self-will and just pain blind obstinacy to a unicorn of a notion that i can get something for nothing. i know i can go down the road of manipulating others to support my wild-eyed schemes, or return to the life of supporting my life and my lifestyle based on the resources i currently have and can generate. just because i “pay my own way,” does not make me any less dependent on my friends, my peers or my acquaintances in recovery.
with that in mind, i think i will move on down the road, to see what i can clean-up and set-up at work, just in case, what i desire comes to pass. one way or another the work needs to be done.

∞ DT ∞