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there is a creature that thrives on others. it is called a leech.
nice thought for early Saturday morning and while i do not act very leech-like these days, more often than not, i play the willing host to someone who desires a way of getting something for nothing. which, is leading me to yet another new question for my TENTH STEP inventory, even though i have yet to finish my NINTH STEP. dang it all, well at least i am meeting with the sponse on Monday, and hopefully can get back into gear on my step work.
yes, although it does not happen often, i get sucked into allowing others to leech off of me, and then i love to whine about what a victim i am. the next step is a brutal and sudden removal and very harsh setting of boundaries, that almost always leads to both of us being angry and yes even resentful. in the end i see that IF i had allowed them to stumble, fall and yes even relapse, all on their own, than we both would have better off. do not get me wrong here, there really is no fine line between proving my support financially, spiritually and emotionally and allowing myself to enter into co-dependent situations. the cool part here, is that i need not seek outside advice or help, to stop being the knight in shiny white armor, that is riding to the rescue. no the glorious solution, simple and concise is right here, the same program that has given me this new way of life. no do not get me wrong, for others, especially those in the other 85%, those other fellowships and counseling is certainly effective for them and can help them in the long run, for me, however it just bloodies the waters and prevents me from seeing what the real issue is: ME!
ironically, because i feel that i lack something, allowing and even encouraging others to grow dependent upon me, makes me feel better. i almost did something this week that while it would have made me look heroic in the eyes of my sponsee, more than likely would have been detrimental to us and our relationship very quickly. as i was not ready to go the full distance and bring him into my house and provide for his sustenance and as he was incapable, in my untrained opinion, of taking care of himself, it would have led to all sorts of resentments and i would have ended up telling him to f_ck off. honestly i am sad that i had to choose between his freedom and my commitment to carry the message. i am sad that i could not provide the support he thinks he needs, because in the opinion of trained professionals, he is right where he is supposed to be. so today i am going to take care of what i agreed to do, get rid of the pile work on my desk and be okay knowing, that what i think is not ALWAYS really the next right thing to do, in some situations. allowing the leech to attach, even encouraging that behavior is NEVER the next right thing to do. allowing the POWER that fuels my recovery to provide me the answers, by listening quietly over the din of the white noise that fills my head, will give the answers i seek, namely how do i support another person and not cross the boundary into being the host for that spiritual, emotional or financial leech? the new question? “Did i facilitate another person to become defendant upon me to provide for their sustenance?”

∞ DT ∞