โผ through service, i started on the long road โผ
Posted: Wed, May 1, 2013 07:42:43 AM
back to becoming a productive member of society.
well i certainly was not of much service last night. before i got to the meeting i had realized that i just spent time with two people, i did not particularly care for. one i already was certain about my felines, the other, well that surprised me and more than likely, if he becomes a fixture on my Tuesday afternoons, i will alter my plans, as that is my time.
so by the time i sat down in the meeting, i was already confused and feeling all sorts of strangeness, so when the parade of newcomers started to share, i was far from a spiritual place to hear what they had to say. all i heard was the bumper stickers, the pink cloud and all the catchy phrases that i once thought constituted sharing about recovery, when i was still new to recovery. although i had ample opportunity to share, and one of members with time, who did share, ironically chastised the group for behavior he used to be engaged in, only fueling the slow simmer i was already doing. anyhow, it is a good thing that i stopped and listened to my heart last night, because the way i was feeling, would not have brought out my best or most spiritual stuff. i am starting to get the hint, that Tuesday nights may need to change for me, in this respect as well.
it was a service for me to show up and shut up, last night. i know that to be true and this morning as i am contemplating my road back to becoming a productive member of society, i see that kind of restraint needs to also be reflected in my life outside the rooms. that i can attract rather than promote will certainly be a service to society in general. as i look over what i have got done since i got out of bed this morning, i can see, that too, helps build my opinion of myself. the anger and frustration and yes even the sadness i felt last night, has passed and this morning i see the path before me goes through Boulder. yes it is time to exercise my right to be productive and participate in society and Tuesday nights, will be what they will be. nothing for me to obsess about, as i have FAITH that all will be made clear to me, if i allow it to happen. it is after all, a good day to be clean.
well i certainly was not of much service last night. before i got to the meeting i had realized that i just spent time with two people, i did not particularly care for. one i already was certain about my felines, the other, well that surprised me and more than likely, if he becomes a fixture on my Tuesday afternoons, i will alter my plans, as that is my time.
so by the time i sat down in the meeting, i was already confused and feeling all sorts of strangeness, so when the parade of newcomers started to share, i was far from a spiritual place to hear what they had to say. all i heard was the bumper stickers, the pink cloud and all the catchy phrases that i once thought constituted sharing about recovery, when i was still new to recovery. although i had ample opportunity to share, and one of members with time, who did share, ironically chastised the group for behavior he used to be engaged in, only fueling the slow simmer i was already doing. anyhow, it is a good thing that i stopped and listened to my heart last night, because the way i was feeling, would not have brought out my best or most spiritual stuff. i am starting to get the hint, that Tuesday nights may need to change for me, in this respect as well.
it was a service for me to show up and shut up, last night. i know that to be true and this morning as i am contemplating my road back to becoming a productive member of society, i see that kind of restraint needs to also be reflected in my life outside the rooms. that i can attract rather than promote will certainly be a service to society in general. as i look over what i have got done since i got out of bed this morning, i can see, that too, helps build my opinion of myself. the anger and frustration and yes even the sadness i felt last night, has passed and this morning i see the path before me goes through Boulder. yes it is time to exercise my right to be productive and participate in society and Tuesday nights, will be what they will be. nothing for me to obsess about, as i have FAITH that all will be made clear to me, if i allow it to happen. it is after all, a good day to be clean.
∞ DT ∞