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if no one bothered to be of service to others. the cynic in me, says, that this is reality, no one serves anyone else, much less the world in general, there is always a catch, a cost and they are looking for something. this opinion, is certainly colored by my experiences in active addiction and in abstinence, so if it can be true for me, why should it be any different for the population at large. after all, it all goes to motives, and life is a zero sum game, you give so you can get!
the other side of the coin, while not quite so dark, ins not all unicorns and rainbows either, i serve because it is the next right thing to do, and the reward i get, and trust me there is a reward, is i get to feel better about myself. so is that altruism, a specific behavior, culturally engrained in me, or just a load of sh!t to prop up my ever so fragile ego?
that question, while germane, really goes to something beyond my expertise. i know that i was taught from my religious background , that all the good i suffer upon the world will be rewarded after i draw my last breath and my physical self is mouldering in the ground. while others may take comfort in that, and i do not knock them for doing so, i am more of an immediate results kind of guy. so when i give my talents, my time, my energy and my resources to be of service to others, i want to see and feel something in the here and now. unfortunately, that is not how this gig works.
WAH, WAH, WAH!
looking at this through the lens of a spiritual program, i never know who i will reach when i carry the message to those still suffering, who are locked up due to their own bad behaviors. i never know if the men i sponsor will stay clean and actually take the chance to live in a new manner. most of all, i never know, if what i share in a meeting, will touch someone and allow them to give themselves a break and accept the gift of recovery. just as i never know if my efforts will be enough to keep the doors open at my employer, or the lights on in my home. i have to serve with a little bit of FAITH and more than a little bit of TRUST and SURRENDER, especially since i am not one of those eternal rewards kind of guys. the FAITH is that by doing the next right thing, i will cause enough of a butterfly effect, that somehow there will be a nearly imperceptible shift in the balance between self-interest and selflessness, in my life. i have to trust, that when i know the next right thing to do, it is from the POWER that fuels my recovery and not from the the part of me i call addiction. i DO know that each time i do something for someone, the fellowship that is my home or the world in general, just because it is the next right thing, i DO feel better and perhaps that is all the reward i need, at least just for today.
so i have an errand to run, work to do and a busy and not so busy day ahead of me. with that thought in mind, i will walk forward and see where the opportunity arises to serve those i share this life with, today.

∞ DT ∞