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i have attained some stability in my life. i really have attained a whole lot more, like an identity and an answer to the stuff that puzzled me the most, when i was growing up -- why do i act the way i do?
the reading specifically was about what do i do now, that i have a bit of clean-time and more importantly a bit of recovery. how do i move on with my life and put that knowledge into action and give away what i have earned through my efforts at living a program of active recovery.
the answer of course is ‘be of service!’
although that topic is certainly a ripe one for discussion, i can summarize by saying that i am of service to my society, to my family, to my employer, to my fellowship, to my peers and to myself. it is just something i do, nearly auto-magically and to go on and on about who, what and how i serve, would certainly fit into that image of beating the proverbial dead horse., so i will move along.
what came to me last night, as i was going over my day, was that i am trying far too hard to fit a square peg into a round hole. the ELEVENTH STEP, is not about fitting my views into a structure it is allowing the structure and my views to come into a synchronicity and just exist, naturally and organically. i know that the stumbling block here is prayer. as i let go of my notions of what prayer is, and find out what prayer will be for me, i will accomplish what i have been trying to force myself to do, over the past six weeks, reach an accommodation with the fellowship's principles and my own vision of what the spiritual side of this life looks like for me. it may not look like the standard model. in fact, it will probably be as different from the standard model as classic physics is from quantum physics. even though both are used to describe the world around us, quantum physics is a whole lot more subtle and harder to detect with my unaided senses. as i feel my way, to this new world order, as it is, i am quite certain, at least this morning, that NOTHING i discover, will separate me from my peers in the fellowship. in fact, when all is said and done…
anyhow, speaking of service to my employer, it is time to pack this up and head on down to work. i will move forward today, finds at least opportunity to serve and allow myself the freedom to let go and just be, just for today.

∞ DT ∞