Blog entry for:

an excellent question and one that hits on many levels, on this last day of 2018. i am doing my best to take this day off. by taking the day off i mean: no work (easy to do) and no workout or fitness goals (not so easy to do).
it has probably been over a hundred days since i missed an active workout and over thirty days since i missed my step count. i am quite certain that my body needs a day or maybe two off. at least today, it will be fairly easy to take a day off, as the weather outside is dreadful. being of service to myself, through nicotine cessation and exercise has made for an interesting December. just as i once believed that getting high would be my daily fate, until i died, i thought smoking cigars was also part of who i “was” and a fact of life i would be incapable of being altered. it is quite true, that my planned “cheat day” is two days away and yes i have to admit i am looking at that day with a bit of anxiety and more than a bit of excitement. unlike taking a day off from fitness, i am not certain about what the day after will bring. with that thought in mind, i do believe i will head on out to meet the obligations i have set for myself today. it is a good day to be clean and allow whatever will be, to be, just for today.
adding on: i do not often circle back to and add to what i have written, today, however, have decided to to something a bit different.
when i was pounding this out this morning, i was all focused on me and what i am doing in my life, beyond my active recovery program. i do not want to leave anyone with the impression that just because i have some time clean, i might think that i can “cheat” on serving the fellowship that has given me this new life.
the question is not about how i serve others, in all parts of my life, but if i need to do more? over the course of my journey from total self-centered, self-obsession to where i am today, this question has been asked and answered many times. i may necver be able to repay my debt to this fellowship and to those who allowed to find my way to the FREEDOM i have today, but that does not mean i stop trying. today i GET to be more than a spectator in my life and i GET to be a part of the lives of others. sometimes that means i have to be present, just to listen. sometimes, it means i need to comment on what i see. most of the time, however it means just doing the next right thing, no maatter how painful or difficult it may be.
the next right thing for me today? maybe a nap and then a bit of trying to level up on my silly game. it is a good day to let go and allow the world to spin as it will, without me forcing to meet my expectations.

∞ DT ∞