Blog entry for:

addicts getting clean, staying clean and learning a new way of living. the converse, unfortunately, is true as well, to downward spiral and isolation of the return trip to active addiction. that too, is a part of living in the world of recovery.

13 years clean
What a Year You Had
But You Made it, Reese!
Keep Coming Back, My Friend

that little shout-out, is to one of the men who choose to call me their sponsor, and that man, has had a year that i am sure he is glad is over. no matter what, he stayed clean, and i got to see him grow through the physical challenges that life presented him. that is what recovery is all about. at no time did he run off to a psychic, a new age guru or a self-help seminar. he doubled down his commitment to recovery and grew in his personal program and that inspires me. by his living example, i get the validation that the program i am choosing to live today, is what i NEED to do, and that i do not need to augment or dilute that program with outside interference.
it has been quite the week for clean date anniversaries. i saw those guys when they walked into the rooms, i watched some of them revolve through the front door, and i even spoiled using for one of them, when he was out. the reading reminds me, that i can make a difference and my life is richer for letting them in, instead of “keeping my distance” from the newcomer.
those on the margins, who have recycled in and out? well, they too, have a lesson to teach me. pride and arrogance will be my downfall. two of the many behaviors that flow from the fact that i do not accept myself, as i am. however those shortcomings are certainly enough fodder for discussion that they merit an entry all by themselves. the reason that i bring it up today, is that is what i have observed in myself, that pushes me to the margins of the rooms. my peer, who finds very little redeeming value in my fellowship, is doing what they can, to be a part of, and i see myself in their place, been there, don that, got the T-shirt! today, not only am i good enough to recover, i am also, just like the rest of them, sick enough to keep coming back. watching those with less clean time than myself, come in, establish their place and become a member and a peer, is an incredible thing, in and of itself. being powerless, and allowing a peer to slide down the chute towards active addiction, is a terrible thing. both events happen every single time i go to a meeting. of course there is room enough for all of them and no one need to go out and suffer the horrors of active addiction, once they arrive. my job, today and every day, is to remind my peers that 5980 days clean, is not a life sentence, it is a chance at a whole new life, and that life has created a man that i never dreamed would ever walk this planet. so yes, watching the newcomer as they keep coming back, reminds me that i keep what i have only by giving it away, and all that i have is the RESULT of doing the recovery gig, one day at a time.
so i have a ton of things to accomplish this weekend, therefore, it is time to get rolling on out the door. after all, it is a good day to be more than i was yesterday.

∞ DT ∞