Blog entry for:

a loving hug, and a sympathetic ear will surely express the depth of my feelings. so quickly, i can say, there is nothing that i can find in this reading to argue against. it did not evoke any strong feelings one way or another within me, and honestly what i heard this morning had more to do with me letting go, than with helping someone else through their grief and pain. it happens from time to time, as i can be a self-absorbed person, even when living a spiritual program for 17 YES COUNT THEM, 6208 days, in a row, of being a member of the no matter what club, and man does that make me feel old. between my clean time and my life in active addiction, there are 42 years of my life accounted for, and looking at that number, i wonder all sorts of things, mostly there is the track that i wonder if seventeen years ago, i had chosen to become a ward of the state rather than being sentenced to the NO CHOICE program, where i would have ended up. well, that little diver being complete and before i go into what i son my mind today:

Chris M
5 years clean!
KEEP Coming BACK as you are WORTH IT!

---

Leonard H,
8 years Clean
i am certainly grateful, you kept coming back.

so taking care of my bidness, is what i am all about these days. last Friday morning on my way to work, my car was involved in a 4 car smash up, on 119 at Main St. i ended up being okay, but yesterday i was told that the insurance company was going to total my car. it is quite true, as the love of my life pointed out, up until 60 days ago, i wanted a new car. things shift, financial obligations change, anyhow, i had decided that my old car and faithful mechanical steed was good enough until next year. well apparently what i missed was a not yet, from the POWER that fuels my recovery, as it now is apparent that i have to send my car off to the crusher and i will be in the market for something a bit newer to me anyhow. i am sad and as sill as it sounds, grieving over having to euthanize my car. in fact i feel guilty about the touch of excitement i am feeling about the getting and finding the ways and means to get a different, perhaps even brand new car. all of that, however is in the future. feeling sad, and angry over having something that i have relied on for over 12 years of life, is where i am. it was not my fault, i am not going get nearly what i think that car is worth and worst of all. well perhaps best of all, i get a new money pit to start the next chapter in my automotive adventure.
grateful that i am clean, whole and have completed another annual cycle, i am excited to see what today will bring. oh yea, i will be present, so if i encounter someone that my loving touch and open ear can help heal, i will be capable of doing just that, just for today.

∞ DT ∞