Blog entry for:

it has been a year for me. more than once across the course of the past 366 days, i have had the notion that maybe staying clean was not paying off and a quick trip to a purveyor of legal substances would relieve my pain and make everything okay. it is only because of my peers in recovery, my friends and my loved ones that i survived lack of social contact, grief and the consequences of making a hard decision, or three. i also have to be grateful for getting what i needed from the POWER that fuels my recovery. as a result i GET to celebrate TWENTY-FOUR years clean and gratefully acknowledge my peers who share our clean date:

Chris M,
Congrats on Twelve (12) years CLEAN!
Leonard H,
Congrats on Fifteen (15) years CLEAN!

enough about what was, that trip around the sun has passed, i am still clean, what is on my mind this morning, is the latest addiction to the handful of netizens who read these little bits of mind-dumpery. once upon a time, i wrote these to get attention and perhaps find the means to achieve some sort of fame. of course, that never happened and yet i persisted in writing this on a nearly daily basis. as the days piled up and the corpus of these writing continued to build, my intent changed into one of saying what i needed to say, even if no one was listening. well someone new is listening now and i am not sure how i should feel about it. it is not as if they have ever acknowledged what it means to be clean, just for today. they are a part of my life, and yet they seem to ignore this part of my life and a very long time ago, i gave up on the notion that they would ever see this as something more than a fad. it is what it is and mostly i am sad that they feel the need to comment on social media with a GIF, rather than actually talking to me about what it is i am writing and how i actually feel.
all of that aside, where i am going today, is into a mode of celebrating with those who “get” me and have seen me progress from being an over-entitled, self-centered noob, into the man i am today. i GET to celebrate another day clean and i GET to decide how many miles i will cover today. i have everything i need today, and more than enough of my wants. life goes on and who know what will be revealed to me, if i stay here and am there for everyone who happens to need a bit of me to get through their day.

∞ DT ∞