Blog entry for:

up my mind about what course of action i need to take, and for right now, it is doing another day in active recovery. on this the twenty-seventh year anniversary of the day i stopped using, i get a minute to pause and consider the past year. i have been to the top of Africa, survived Stage 2A melanoma, buried my Mom, learned to let go of what she did and find the ways and means to forgive her. none of that was easy or even simple, because for me surrender is still quite a tough concept. even with that caveat, i was still able to let go of a few outcomes and do what i needed to do to grow into the man i have alays wanted to be, even though i still am missing a few clues about that man is all about. be that as it may, living a program of active recovery has brought me to a place where i am grateful that, yes i am an addict, and i have a manner of living that precludes the use of substances to get through my day.

Chris M,
CONGRATS on XV (15) years clean.
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your recovery.

there was a time when i was pissed off about this day. i did NOT have the desire to stop using, but i was unwilling to accept the consequences, so here i sit! 🤪 that anger was replaced by despair after eighteen months of mere abstinence and that despair has been replaced by FAITH in the program of recovery i have been given. i use the term “mere abstinence” in the same derogatory manner as the another “A” uses the term “dry drunk.” the only thing i got out of those days of scraping the bottom of the recovery barrel was misery and pain. that is a life i never want to return to, no matter what.
this morning, as i wrap this little exercise in gratitude up, i am quite pleased to say i may have decades clean, but the real gift is just for today. it may seem trite or cliché, but that is the best way to express what i am feeling this morning, even after a challenging commute into the office and the uncertainty of what may come barreling down the pike. i can let go, and yes, even surrender to the fact that unless self-will take me out, i have a path that will lead to a better me.

∞ DT ∞