expecting a feeling
Posted: Fri, Sep 10, 2004 04:31:51 AM
the JFT reading was about sympathy and being present for someone i love with a hug and a sympathetic ear. i really have no ideas about what to write about so i think i will instead write about ME today.
it is my 7th anniversary today and for some reason, i feel a bit sad and disconnected today. i expected to feel joy and gratitude for what i have accomplished and what gifts that i have been given and instead all i can focus is on the things that are undone.
after all, should i not have MORE. more serenity, more wisdom, more joy, more love and more tools for living. i hear the whispers that maybe this is not the path for me after all. that i will never succeed and i will always be just as i was when i walked here. and the most insidious whisper of all, that i am not worth anything especially the love of those in my life or the love and care of a kind and gentle Higher Power.
just typing this out i am starting to come out of my funk, although i have not come as far as i expected and i do not FEEL happy, joyous and free today, does not mean that this has been a waste of time, it just means that i am feeling what i am feeling and like the wind that too can change if i look at the evidence of my growth over the past seven years instead of allowing myself to wallow in morose, self-destructive self-pity. i am what i am an addict who has not used in seven years and that for this moment is enough.
-- DT --
it is my 7th anniversary today and for some reason, i feel a bit sad and disconnected today. i expected to feel joy and gratitude for what i have accomplished and what gifts that i have been given and instead all i can focus is on the things that are undone.
after all, should i not have MORE. more serenity, more wisdom, more joy, more love and more tools for living. i hear the whispers that maybe this is not the path for me after all. that i will never succeed and i will always be just as i was when i walked here. and the most insidious whisper of all, that i am not worth anything especially the love of those in my life or the love and care of a kind and gentle Higher Power.
just typing this out i am starting to come out of my funk, although i have not come as far as i expected and i do not FEEL happy, joyous and free today, does not mean that this has been a waste of time, it just means that i am feeling what i am feeling and like the wind that too can change if i look at the evidence of my growth over the past seven years instead of allowing myself to wallow in morose, self-destructive self-pity. i am what i am an addict who has not used in seven years and that for this moment is enough.
-- DT --