Blog entry for:

heartfelt words, do very little to remove the pain of those around me who are dealing with loss and grief. this reading always makes me dig deep, as it one of those Captain Obvious sort of readings. of course i cannot take away the pain of loss. of course a simple hug will reinforce the human connection to those i care about. i need not go on and on anymore about how “ripped-off” i feel about such a reading on my clean date, so i will do my shout out and move along.

Chris M,
Congrats on TEN (10) years CLEAN!
Leonard H,
Congrats on THIRTEEN(13) years CLEAN!
Thank you for sharing you Experience, Strength and Hope with me.

as i figure out how to reclaim my power from someone to whom i have given it away, so freely to, for so long,, i keep attempting to fall back on the behaviors i learned in active addiction. the last time i attempted to do so, i ended up having to admit i was wrong for “HOW” i did it and that truly sucked. this time, i see being subtle is not working as they appear blithely unaware about the change our relationship. i am okay with that today and expect that as i grow more coldly cordial, they might wake up and smell the coffee. in the meantime, i need to resume my life and yes doing what i can to “protect” myself from having to own a wrong, is a tightrope act, taking back my life, while doing my best not to do harm, will take a bit of skill to accomplish. in fact i have already had to do something hard this morning, that really is the next right thing to do.
before i wander into 10th STEP territory i will simply say, thank to the fellowship it has been 22 years since i last used and today, just for today, i am grateful they taught me that i had a choice, if i allowed their program of recovery to work in my life. it was not a simple task and i was far from the “ideal” or “model” subject, but my peers have given me a life where i get to CHOOSE to stay clean today.

∞ DT ∞