Blog entry for:

part of the problem i have with this reading is that i am constantly discovering what the truth about me is. i know that the truth is the truth period. i also know that i have the ways and means to bend, edit and alter the truth to fit what i want to think about myself. if i am having trouble relating to someone, it must be something inherent in me, and i must be a low-life piece of shit. if everything is going my way and i seem to going through my day without conflict, stumbling or hurting anyone then i must have ‘ got it ’ and the time has come to move on with something different. so i alter the truth about myself to fit my current set of circumstances.
i know that the actual truth lies somewhere between those revisionist views of myself. today one of the things i know for sure is that i am an addict who is struggling with letting go of my self-will. as a result, i am either hurting someone or second-guessing myself. another piece of the truth for me today is that i do not NEED to be here any longer. i can choose to write on my third step and move forward or ....
so am i recovering? am i growing spiritually? am i moving forward in my life making decisions that will enhance my future? am i listening for GOD's will and acting on it? am i doing my best to live by the spiritual principles that i ascribe to?
i really do not know the honest answers to these questions but i do know that i do not want to use; i do not want to slip back into active addiction; and i do not want to hurt myself or anyone else today.
and that is what i have to be satisfied with for right now.
∞ DT ∞